Rachele Chaar

My blood cancer experience came in 2 different batches. When I was first diagnosed and when I relapsed. The 1st time, I didn't know what to expect so I was almost less scared in a way. When I was first diagnosed I wasn’t concerned about my mortality, I was more concerned about the side effects of treatment, like losing my hair and being sick. The second time I was more scared about my mortality, and needed a lot more pep talks. I was also more scared the second time because I knew how bad the treatment would make me feel. I had bone pain, muscle pain, just a lot of pain overall. The second time I did ICE as my treatment. It was actually easier for me, which isn't always the case for everyone. Everyones body reacts differently to each treatment. Everyone’s mind reacts differently too.
The entire experience is bittersweet, there were beautiful moments that I got to experience, like friends and family coming together. The bone marrow transplant was incredibly hard on my body but still people were around to support me.

I relapsed a few days before my wedding. The joke with my husband was that we spent our first few months as newlyweds living at the hospital rather than at home. He was there for me and there aren’t words that can describe how much that meant.
The minute I was diagnosed my whole family came together. Relationships in my extended family even improved through everyone being there for me.

Friends also came together, and I became closer with them. Obviously there are also friends who aren't there, but the ones who came together to support me became so much closer during my treatment.

What brings me hope is knowing that even though there are a lot of things I can't control, there are still some things in my control. I wasn't like this before, but because of cancer I really had to build up my resilience. I've dealt with uncertainties before and I got through them knowing there are a lot of things I CAN control.

After going through treatment, especially the bone marrow transplant I’m used to being isolated. I know how to handle it better than most, and it’s easier to be isolated but feeling healthy than isolated and feeling sick, like I was before. I can still do stuff around my house. I’m empowered with knowledge, which is still true even with Covid19. There are things I can control, like self isolating and washing my hands.

Advice I would give someone living with a blood cancer is to be safe please, take extra precautions, and your family members also need to be extra careful. Caregivers especially, act like you're also going through treatment. To stay sane and happy, keep busy, do what you normally do at home even when quarantined. Get a lot of rest! Find ways to have fun and be creative, like drawing or painting. Video Games can also be a great way to not feel alone, you can explore a whole other world in a lot of them.